


Discorded Harmony!

by Shipping_Sushi



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Also the DRV3 cast are american, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Celebrity Crush, Chatlogs, Crossover, F/F, F/M, He never told me their names, M/M, Multi, No Spoilers, Spoilers, The drv3 cast's usernames are based off the nicknames I had for them when my friend played, The world's an ass to Junko, Then I googled, because I said so, because of course, it's way too long, pretty much, wrote this for my oneshot book but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-05 06:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10299350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shipping_Sushi/pseuds/Shipping_Sushi
Summary: Makoto's off with Kirigiri, Mikan's playing with Chiaki. What's the true Ultimate Despair to do?Well in this despairing predicament, Junko Enoshima turns to her recentacomplicebestie, and meets some..really weird middle schoolers.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my 30th fic and I'm putting effort in it ;-; as in I've spent two weeks staying up til 12 AM just typing nonsense into this fic until it ended. Started with a rough idea and ended with maidcostumes shipping.  
> Also non-despair Junko is pure and not abusing anyone, just need to throw that out there.
> 
> With that said, the main ship here is toujou/shirogane, with mentions and interactions of tenko/himiko, kaede/maki, and saihara/ouma, along with Junko's mini harem.
> 
> ALSO I'd like to thank google translate and buzzfeed for random japanese words to slap in to Tsumugi's, Ouma's, and Kirumi's speech. There's a reason they do that. I swear.
> 
> Username list-  
> DespairBitch- Junko  
> LuckyHope- Makoto  
> TruthfulJustice- Kyouko  
> QueenOfLiars- Celestia  
> DespairingSolidier- Mukuro  
> HelloNurse- Mikan  
> DungeonCrawler- Chiaki  
> UltimateHope- Hinata  
> CosplayChild- Tsumugi  
> PerfectPianist- Kaede  
> KingOfLiars- Ouma  
> unluckymystery- Amami  
> AikidoLesbian- Tenko  
> FalseDetective- Saihara  
> FriendlyBuffGuy- Gonta  
> HolyAsFuck- Angie  
> PleaseKillMe- Kirumi  
> DaycareAssassin- Maki  
> lowMP- Himiko  
> Robot69- Iruma  
> Kiibo- Kiibo  
> hoshi- Hoshi

_**Junko Enoshima joined the chat.**_

 

 _ **DespairBitch:**_   _psst Makoto_

_**LuckyHope:** Junko not now  
_

**_DespairBitch:_  ** _IM LONELY PPPLLLLLLSSSSSSS_

 **_TruthfulJustice:_** _Enoshima your supposed to be banned from the chat._

_**DespairBitch:** I can't talk to my boyfriend? I knew you were jealous.  
_

**_TruthfulJustice:_ ** _no Enoshima. Get your crazy insane anti-MakotoKyouko shipping out of here. You know I'm not into him._

 **_DespairBitch:_  ** _Yep I bet you + Celestia banged._

_**QueenOfLiars:** excuse me? What the hell did you say?_

**_DespairBitch:_** _listen, you are a girl who spends her life wanting to be manipulating some vampire bitches, lying, and gambling (that just screams lesbian). Kyouko is a detective with a heart of steel (also lesbian). If our lives were like some fandom or some shit, I'd ship Celegiri._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _also when the fuck did you get here?!_

 **_QueenOfLiars:_**   _1 it's a group chat, 2 I ship you with death_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _eh I can add Death as a side ho._

 **_LuckyHope:_** _Celes it's hard to burn her like that when she's poly._

 **_DespairBitch:_  ** _ha_

 **_QueenOfLiars:_** _However speaking of her 'poly-ness', isn't that the reason you have a girlfriend? In case your boyfriend has a social life?_

 **_DespairBitch:_** _how dare you stereotype my majestic polygamous self with that made up crap. I don't date Mikan in case Makoto's busy. I date her because she has a neat rack and could stab people._

 **_TruthfulJustice:_ ** _i suspect this is why Yasuke broke up with you. That and you shooting him in the shin._

 **_DespairingSolidier:_** _actually I shot him_

 **_DespairBitch:_** _yep. Mukuro's fault :) IM IN THE RIGHT, IM MORALLY IN THE CLEAR_

_**LuckyHope:** Junko._

**_DespairBitch:_ ** _Yes love? :3_

_**LuckyHope:** I'm really sorry.  
_

 

** _Junko Enoshima has been kicked from the chat._**

 

 **_TruthfulJustice:_  ** _who let her in to begin with_

_**DespairingSoldier:** Sorry._

* * *

_**Junko Enoshima joined the chat.** _

 

_**DespairBitch:** Tsumiki-san~_

**_HelloNurse:_** _bae ;-; ily_

 **_DespairBitch:_**   _im bored. Come to my dorm and exist. Or whatever you want, I'm up for anything._

_**HelloNurse:** uhhh_

**_DespairBitch:_  ** _WHAT?! DON'T UHHH ME._

_**DespairBitch:** MAKOTO DITCHED ME ALREADY. YOU CAN'T ALSO HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE._

**_HelloNurse:_ ** _im so sorry junko-chan_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _who did you replace me with?_

_**DungeonCrawler:**  this is awkward. But uh Enoshima, Mikan and I were going to play SSB4 this afternoon._

**_HelloNurse:_** _I use lowtier trash and then I beat up her monkey_

 **_DungeonCrawler:_ ** _HOO HAH STOP SPIKING ME YOU FAKE PLUMBER DOCTOR_

 **_DespairBitch:_** _first Kyouko, now you Nanami. WHY MUST MY LOVES BE SO FUCKIN DAMN CUTE_

 **_HelloNurse:_** _I'm so sorry Chiaki, she's a bit loopy without her meds._

 **_DespairBitch:_** _BETTER CRAZY THAN DEPRESSED_

 **_UltimateHope:_ ** _your name admits your depression. Also aren't you banned?_

 **_DespairBitch:_**   _Mikan unbanned me :P_

 **_HelloNurse:_** _i just can't say no to her cute face_

 **_UltimateHope:_ ** _she isn't even in our class! How the fuck did she get here in the first place?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Mikan can't say no to me_

 **_DungeonCrawler:_**   _Junko don't you have any other friends? Other than your partners?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _well I met this one American chick in a chatroom a week ago_

 **_UltimateHope:_ ** _ok then bye_

 

**_Junko Enoshima has been kicked from the chat._ **

 

 **_DungeonCrawler:_**   _mikan what do you see in her?_

 **_HelloNurse:_** _yes._

* * *

 

 **_CosplayChild:_** _holy shit im gettin a pm from my celebrity crush_

 **_CosplayChild:_** _nobody tell her im gay. For her._

 **_PerfectPianist:_** _ok!_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _like it isn't obvious? Why I'd be suprised if she thought you liked dudes, period._

 **_AikidoLesbian:_** _Kokichi shut ur gay ass mouth you're dating Saihara._

_**FalseDetective:** ohh. Uh am I bad  
_

**_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _nope your like the best boy I've ever met. But you still are a guy._

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _wait are we gonna mute Ouma? Like usual?_

 **_CosplayChild:_  ** _yes we gotta or he's going to embarrass me in front of my senpai_

 **_unluckymystery:_ ** _im too invested in living to participate in this scheme to get Tsumugi laid_

 

**_Rantarou Amami has left the chat._ **

 

 **_Robot69:_ ** _HEY I EXPECT MYSELF TO SAY THAT KINDA SHIT._

 **_FriendlyBuffGuy:_**   _Tsumugi I didn't want to interrupt our friend Rantarou, but now may I ask what your term 'senpai' mean?_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _upperclassman_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _we'd be known as her 'kohais' since she's a year older than us. And if we refer to each other, boys are '-kun' and girls are '-chan' and last names are '-san'_

 **_FriendlyBuffGuy:_ ** _ok. Thank you Tsumugi -chan_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _Shuuchi-chan~_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _ >///< ouma-kun???_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _close enough_

 **_HolyAsFuck:_ ** _angie-chan wants you all to worship god you sick fucks._

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _love the enthusiasm._

 ** _PleaseKillMe:_**  Ts _umugi-chan. Is that correct?_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _ >v< YES WE GOT A COMPETENT PERSON!! NOW ALL WE NEED IS YOU, MY TOMODACHI, TO TEACH EVERYONE ELSE HOW TO DO THAT SO I CAN IMPRESS A HOT JAPANESE MODEL_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _... How do I respond?_

_**Kirumi Toujou has left the chat.** _

 

_**CosplayChild:** maki can you teach these kids? So I can make a kaizen with my relationship status._

**_DaycareAssassin:_ ** _im done with this weeb shit_

**_Maki Harukawa has left the chat._**

 

_**PerfectPianist:** NOOOOOO ;-;_

_**lowMP:** gonna go afk_

**_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _ily_

 **_lowMP:_ ** _ <3_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _so uh what do I do._

 ** _Robot69:_ ** _sex_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _nNO BAD MIU-CHAN_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _QUIET YOU BITCHES IM LETTING HER IN_

 

**_Junko Enoshima joined the chat._ **

 

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Kon'nichiwa Tsumugi-chan!_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _Kon'nichiwa Junko-senpai~~~!_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _weebs._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Watashi wa nihonjin no hiyokocha ndesu_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _wtf_

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _Let me translate_

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _you don't want to know Ouma-san._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _i called you a dipshit_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _IT'S EVOLVING. IT CONSUMED SHIROGANE'S ENGLISHNESS_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _No. I model around the world, I know (fluently at least) six different languages._

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _so that's what Shirogane sees in you_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _what_

_**CosplayChild:** lol. No. She and everyone are all part of this yoisho, hehehehe HAHAHAHAHA_

 

**_Kiibo has been kicked from the chat._ **

 

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _whoa Tsumugi playing the 'Admin banning everyone' game. What a dokusai-sha, amirite?_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _please Shirogane, spare my boyfriend ;-;_

_**CosplayChild:** only because you deserve better than my shit shuuchi_

**_FalseDetective:_ ** _Thank you Tsumugi-chan_

 

**_Shuuchi Saihara has been kicked from the chat._ **

 

**_CosplayChild:_ ** _psyke. I don't trust these bitches. Ouma-san. Better obey my rule or else I'll kill him next, for you are the true dokusai-sha Ouma-san. And dictators need to be overthrown._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _NOOOOOO!! U MONSTER! Akuma! Akuma I warned you all!_

 _**HolyAsFuck:** _ _Ouma is right. God has abandoned us once more, because the words Angie and he speak are true at once._

_**HolyAsFuck:** Also Kirumi is making a group chat for everyone who gets kicked or leaves, so._

 

**_Angie Yonaga has left the chat._ **

 

**_FriendlyBuffGuy:_ ** _I'm sorry Tsumugi -chan, but Toujou -san has messaged me and some others. She seems to need a gentleman to help her. Good luck with your friend!_

 

**_Gonta Gokuhara has left the chat._ **

 

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _a prophet of meme jesus turned Tarzan against me._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _lolololol you know your life's shit when you speak those words._

* * *

 

_**Hoshi Ryouma joined the chat.** _

 

**_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _AAAAAAAHAHSVAYKABAYSJAKANBAUAHABAJSJHSBSJSUSB_

 **_FriendlyBuffGuy:_ ** _it's ok Kirumi! It's ok! Stop hurting yourself with headbutting the keyboard!_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _NO IT FRICKIN ISN'T I NEED TO GET A CONCUSSION OR DEATH_

 **_hoshi:_ ** _what did I log into_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _CRYPTID_

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _Kirumi is being very very gay rn._

 **_hoshi:_ ** _ok. Not very helpful._

 **_KingOfLiars:_** _Tenko and I are scouting out Tsumugi's love life rn in the OG chat (two tabs open squad OvO). Shuuchi-chan, Kiibo and Gonta are here for emotional support. Maki, Amami and Himiko are just chilling at the moment. Does that answer your question, CRYPTID?_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _MY LIFE IS OVER I WANNA DIE. INORU 4 SHI. INORU 4 SHI._

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _It's ok Kirumi! I mean Tsumugi likes girls so you're one step in the right direction._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _HOW MANY FUCKIN STEPS ARE THERE IN GETTING REJECTED_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _fuck im bad at giving optimistic advice._

_**KingOfLiars:** it's ok Shuuchi-chan, Tenko and I are gonna scout out for a couple of minutes and see how everything is going._

_**FriendlyBuffGuy:** And Kirumi! You can't be sad! You might have a chance with her!  
_

**_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _no i dont ;-; cryin in irl tbh_

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _There is so much going on that I don't know how it got here. Like Kirumi, you have affection for Tsumugi?_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _nishishishishishishishishi_

_**FalseDetective:** ouma pls make it short. _

_**KingOfLiars:** the oblivious robot dick is oblivious once more. Nishishishi_

**_DaycareAssassin:_ ** _Thank god Miu isn't here._

 **_HolyAsFuck:_ ** _AMEN_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _but yeah. Shirogane is cute. But it's not anything that big of a crush -_- What do you people take me for?_

 **_hoshi:_ ** _I recall you smashing your face on the keyboard loudly and producing gibberish along with caps lock_

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _Ouma is this where you say cryptid?_

_**KingOfLiars:** no. He has a legit point. Kirumi you fuckin unsubtle dweeb._

**_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _i aM TRYING TO CALM DOWN. I JUST FEEL SUCH A RUSH OF UNDIGNIFIED AFFECTION AND ITS JUST SO BAD I JUST NEED TO CURL UP INTO A BALL AND PRAY TO MY SHRINE. BAKAS_

_**unluckymystery:** our cleaning lady has finally snapped oh no_

**_KingOfLiars:_ ** _First off. Kirumi, I'm kawaii desu, not an idiot. Secondly, Tenko, c'mon let's do surveillance on the junko/tsumugi situation._

* * *

 

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _hey guys, zoned out for a moment. What's happening?_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _oh nothing. I've just been talking with Junko-chan_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Ouma if you could murder someone, who would it be?_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _NO ONE IM A PURE CHILD_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _don't gimme that crap you fuckin cult leader tumblr mutual._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _I'd murder two people. This detective in my class, spawn of satan tbh named Kyouko, and one of the upperclassmen. Or chick. Chick-aki. Chiaki. Both are the most evil things ever._

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _did they kill your loved ones and take advantage of you?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _nah. They trying to steal my baes ;-; smfh_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _baes? Do you have crushes on anyone Junko-chan?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Nope I got dates! ;))))_

_**KingOfLiars:** ooh nice girl! Boys or girls?_

**_DespairBitch:_**   _One of each ^v^_

_**KingOfLiars:** neat. Wait gtg for a moment brb_

* * *

 

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _Kirumi the good news is that Tsumugi's crush is taken_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _wait seriously? There's hope?_

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _Tenko's bad news is that Junko is poly and bisexual._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _FUCK SJHAJAKSNDJDJNSGAJAJSBSGGWJA MY LIFE IS OVER_

 ** _unluckymystery:_ ** _tenko you ruined it._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _no it's my fault for having a hopeless crush._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _true._

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _No, there must be hope. I can sense and scan it Kirumi. There's hope._

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _I have a plan._

 

**_Kaede Akamatsu has joined the chat._ **

 

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _kiibo what's up?_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _kirumi is gay_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _yeah that's obvious but why did you take me out of the group chat- oh._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _fulfil my chat name._

 **_FriendlyBuffGuy:_ ** _Let's not get extreme!!_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _let's give encouraging advice to our friend to give her the needed confidence boost._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _that might be nice_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _Getting to brag about my hot boyfriend? Sure!_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _no Ouma this is not about you_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _yes brag about your love lives to make me feel miserable._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _So Shuuchi-chan is the most handsome, wonderful, gay, cute boy in the world :D_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _he's so adorably awkward. Like when he confessed he was in my room chilling like the bffs we were originally. Then he muttered tiredly "i love you" and I kissed him. And from there it went off nicely ;) nishishishi_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _kokichi that's nice but_

 ** _PleaseKillMe:_ ** _NOT RELEVANT IM DYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _NO WAIT OUMA THAT IDEA IS GOOD_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _seriously?_

 **_HolyAsFuck:_ ** _the world is burning_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _ok but why don't we tell Kirumi how we got into relationships and why we love our partners and then she'll get an idea on how to confess to Tsumugi_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _that could work_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _kokichi is mostly right about our story. Though we didn't kiss immediately, he actually stuttered like an idiot._

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _Your description seems highly plausible._

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _Tenko was crushing on Himiko for a solid three months before we hooked up._

 **_lowMP:_ ** _yeah I would've asked her out (tenko ily but you're really unsubtle) but I was too lazy. Now I have a strong perfect gf to carry me, so it worked out._

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _ <3333_

 **_lowMP:_ ** _my phone's falling out of myyyy hansd plaaas twnko come 3 mi rommmmmmm_

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _on my way, Tenko is putting her phone in her pocket. Kokichi or Shuuchi needs to update Tenko when she is done snuggling with her adorable girlfriend._

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _see look at these people! Saihara and Ouma, Chabashira and Yumeno! Wait we don't have any other couples, oh well_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _-_- and you all say I have denial issues._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _no you've moving onto the anger portion of grief. But yeah, Kaede we know you are dating Maki. How did you two hook up??_

 **_DaycareAssassin:_ ** _I thought she was cute. I asked her out. She makes me happy._

 **_BuffFriendlyGuy:_ ** _aww romantic! Kaede why are you embarrassed?_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _I WASN'T PREPARED TO BE OUTED BY KOKICHI. KIRUMI I CAN GET (she isn't dumb) BUT YOU ONLY KNOW CAUSE SHUUCHI SUCKS AT KEEPING SECRETS_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _im sorry kaede_

_**PerfectPianist:** but maki is a pure angel who i love and she's just so cute and omg i love her :3_

**_DaycareAssassin:_ ** _i murdered kaito_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _so Kirumi? How are you feeling?_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _Are you ready to confess to Tsumugi!!!!!!!!?_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _I was expecting fucking inspiration. NOW IM MORE NERVOUS FUCKINGGODNOBSUAJBAHAUAJANAVATAHWKWNWVAYJANAVAYAIAL_

 **_HolyAsFuck:_ ** _Kirumi has lost her cool, much like Angie has now lost God._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _of course tsumugi is the cause. I knew she was evil._ ****

_**KingOfLiars:**  But. Kiibo had a plan. Now I have, A BETTER PLAN!!1! Watch me scrubs, Tenko take screenshots._

* * *

 

_**CosplayChild:** hey Ouma-san? You there?_

**_KingOfLiars:_ ** _Junko, Tsumugi is in love with you_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _KOKICHI WHAT_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _shrug. It's kind of obvious_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _im sorry junko-chan, im a fuckin horrible monster and im sorry !-! im sorry im sorry ok_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _nah it's fine. I wouldn't date you though. Not because u aren't hot or anything (you're really cute :3), but you can do SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME!!_

 **_Robot69:_ ** _wow what an unexpected turn of events_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _yeah I was expecting worse tbh_

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _yeah same. Like we're all still not dead. Speaking of which OUMA WTF AND YOU CALL ME OUT_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _AHEM_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _But Tsumugi, you are a passionate, beautiful, intelligent crazy bitch who could hook up with someone better than me! Like I'm only dating Makoto and Mikan cause they can't get any better than me._

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _really??_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Yeah! :)_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _well thanks for the easy rejection (expected worse) but now i gtg. Eat ramen, watch episode 3 of puella puella madoka magica. It matches my current mood_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _Cutesy and fluffy externally, but dig a couple more minutes in and you're dying?_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _shush no spoilers. Junko-chan hasn't seen it yet. Anyways gonna drown my semi sorrows in ramen, sayonara tomodachis ~_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _WAIT OUMA-SAN YOU WATCHED MADOKA MAGICA TOO?!_

 

**_Kokichi Ouma has left the chat._ **

 

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _i was so close to getting a weeb friendo ;-;_

 

**_Tsumugi Shirogane has left the chat._ **

 

**_Kokichi Ouma has joined the chat._ **

 

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _is she gone?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Ok, Ouma or whoever the hell you are I know you weren't just afk for most of this time, you were in whatever chat the religious person went to. So let me in. Now. Bitch._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _uh. Should we_

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _hold on let Tenko get you and everyone else in. Tsumugi's gone now anyways._

* * *

 

**_Junko Enoshima joined the chat._ **

 

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _ok so which of you is the problem_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _WHY DID YOU GUYS BRING HER?!_

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _it's ok Kirumi. Junko rejected Tsumugi nicely, and thus Tenko let her in_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _hmm here's the problem child. Now using the situation's details (or the few that I'm aware of) you 'Kirumi' were not in the chat at the time I was speaking to Tsumugi. Furthermore, the context Tenko has provided of me kindly telling Shirogane that she could get a fucking better bitch leads me to the firm conclusion that you are in love with Tsumugi-chan._

_**PleaseKillMe:** holy shit.  
_

**_DespairBitch:_ ** _i got into the best school in the world with my analyzing skills, your pathetic gay love life is a walk in the park for me._  

_**KingOfLiars:** shit no wonder why tsumugi had the hots for you, if I was straight I think I'd be in love._

**_DespairBitch:_ ** _I have standards though. Anyways let me get on my glasses and tie my hair in a pony tail to enter smart mode._

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _aren't you in japan? Not to judge. But why does that matter? We can't see you._

 **_unluckymystery:_ ** _let the lady do whatever she wants_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _smart mode me needs glasses on or else she'll kill me for not respecting her needs._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Ahem. Now I have constructed a three step plan to ensure a perfect gay, fluffy confession. Anyone have guesses on what we're going to have this chick do?_ _  
_

**_Robot69:_ ** _anal?_

 

**_Miu Iruma has been kicked from the chat._ **

 

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _-_- moron._

 **_unluckymystery:_ ** _ok tell us the memes now_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Our plan revolves around understanding where Kirumi's feelings come from and morphing it into a beautiful, meaningful confession. Or step 3: ROMEO AND JULIET THIS SHIT :DDDD!!!_

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _My statistics say that the last option is very unlikely to succeed._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _death is the answer._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _See we are going through Kirumi's grief. She's denied her gayness throughout the school year, smashed her keyboard in rage, took a stupid bargain by listening to our ideas. Now we're at a mix of depression and acceptance. I can't tell, she's depressing enough already for it to not matter._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _hmmm nice analyzing of the situation. I can respect._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _that's what I'm doing?  Oh wait I totally knew that, yep I wasn't just criticizing my friend's love life, somehow sounding intelligent._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Kirumi why do you like Tsumugi?_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _i honestly don't know ;-;_

 **_HolyAsFuck:_ ** _god slapped you with a gay stick._

 **_FriendlyBuffGuy:_ ** _That sounds mean, Angie. Kirumi is trying her best! I support her!_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _I think I'm over the mood swing. It was just a rush of a messy emotion, I'm fine._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _tsumugi will never love you back though_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _im fine._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _im fine._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _im fine_

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _I'm detecting a high level of 'not fine'_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!11!1!!_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _hHOW HAS MY LIFE GOTTEN THIS FAR? HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT HER?!_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _SHES PERFECT. SHES PASSIONATE AND NICE AND WONDERFUL. SHES SO DEDICATED TO HER COSPLAYS AND MAKES SUCH A MESS AND I LOVE CLEANING HER ROOM IT ALWAYS TAKE AROUND TWO HOURS AND I LOVE HOW KAWAIIDESU EVERY THING IS_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _EVERY SINGLE WORD SHE SAYS IS BEAUTIFUL. HER BRIGHT EYES WHEN TALKING ABOUT ANIME. HER RANDOM CUTE JAPANESE PHRASES THAT NO ONE ELSE CARES ABOUT. EVERYTHING. SO GOOD._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _except how she constantly eats ramen noodles. How does she eat that nasty shit?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _and step 1 is complete. Thank you assho(uma)le_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _i cant believe that worked_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _ouma u did it!! >w<_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _i still am depressed._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _step 2 will require... Outside help. Who knows Japanese?_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _I've learned a fair amount from Tsumugi_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _uhhhhhhhhhh_

 **_DaycareAssassin:_ ** _Ouma we know you're a weeb, no one cares. Go with her._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _so close, almost escaped the bakas_

 **_lowMP:_ ** _yawn sorry -o- i woke up from a nap~ Mana is restored, Tenko is unconscious cuddling into my stomach. What did I miss?_

 **_HolyAsFuck:_ ** _God has abandoned this class and left us to scavenge hell by ourselves._

 **_lowMP:_ ** _wait am I sleepy already or did I really read that._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _you read that._

 **_lowMP:_ ** _i never realized how good i had it. being drunk with sleep deprivation, never knew it was such ignorant bliss. I see the world through clear eyes now, I see us for who we truly are._

 **_unluckymystery:_ ** _hi korekiyo_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _ok but sleepy girl can you speak Japanese?_

_**lowMP:** I know a bit_

**_DespairBitch:_ ** _ok I will hook you all up to one chat now. We'll return with hope. I swear._

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _Chance of Failure: 97%_

* * *

 

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _JUNKO WHAT HAPPENED?_

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _SHE TEXTED YOU TOO?_

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _OMG SHE ISNT JUST PRANKING US IS SHE?_

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _DO YOU THINK SHES HURT?_

 **_DespairingSolidier:_ ** _whomever fuckin touched my sister is going to be torn to shreds_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _oh. Maybe telling you all I was in trouble was a bad idea_

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _YOU TOLD US SOMEONE STABBED YOU IN THE STOMACH AND CUT OFF YOUR ARM_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _well I need your help. And you all were busy so._

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _you had us worried though :(_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _sorry._

 **_KingOfLiars:_** _uh when are you going to introduce us?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _oh right. Mukuro, Makoto, and Mikan meet these three nerds. Not my friend, but friends of my friend._

 **_lowMP:_ ** _i am having an existential crisis because I had a good night's sleep of rest._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _I'm better than all of you suckers._

 _ **PleaseKillMe:** M_ _y life is going to hell right now._

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _Junko are you sure these aren't your friends?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Maybe. We chatted for an hour on how to get one of them unsingle._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _I'm that one._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _Konichiwa bitches._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _now help us_

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _wouldn't it be easy if we invited you know_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _no_

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _beloved pls_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLS C'MON I LOVE YOU TWO DONT RUIN THIS_

 **_lowMp:_ ** _im tired already, just do whatever._

 

**_Kyouko Kirigiri, Chiaki Nanami, and two others joined the chat._ **

 

 **_TruthfulJustice:_ ** _MAKOTO WHO DIED_

 **_QueenOfLiars:_ ** _OMG WE'RE ALL SCREWED IF MAKOTO IS MAKING US TALK TO JUNKO_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _._

 **_QueenOfLiars:_ ** _fuckin copy cat_

 **_DungeonCrawler:_ ** _i think they're fine._

 **_UltimateHope:_ ** _how can you tell?_

 **_DungeonCrawler:_ ** _Well Mikan-chan is in my room. And she looked like she was going to cry, and she was shivering while murmuring Enoshima's name. And then she just stared at her phone for a decent five seconds in silence before looking severely disappointed._

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _sorry junko bae_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _but this chat ain't bout me. It's about maid fetishist here_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _what_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _that's how tsumugi always describes you to me. Trust me it's one of the nicer descriptions, I was expecting you all to be hell monsters. Or worse, Kyoukos._

 **_TruthfulJustice:_ ** _haha. Funny. -_-_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _Though our rreal need right now is *DRUM ROLL*_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _how do i get a girlfriend? Cause I'm crushing on my friend right now._

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _well junko got together with Tsumiki and I when we just flat out said we liked her. Just be honest._

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _^^^^^^_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _I expect that shit from Gonta, not upperclassmen._

 **_lowMP:_ ** _sucks to be you. gonnnaa nop naw boiiiii._

** _Himiko Yumeno has left the chat._ **

 

 **_DespairingSolidier:_ ** _lucky girl. She gets to leave._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _Toujou-san, it's 6 PM by now. im too lazy to filter my japanese weeb trash at this point. We'll go back to the american chat and get Tsumugi for you. I believe in you!_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _this is sounding like some shitty anime fanfiction_

 **_TruthfulJustice:_ ** _welcome to the lives of Hope's Peak Academy students._

 **_UltimateHope:_ ** _the Izuru in me doesn't give a fuck, but if I leave the chat Tsumiki will murder me for not fulfilling Junko's needs._

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _yep :3_

 **_QueenOfLiars:_ ** _COPYCAT NEEDS TO BE SLAUGHTERED FOR IMITATING PURE BEAUTY_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _YEAH YOU DO NEED TO BE SLAUGHTERED BITCH_

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _why are you two in caps?_

 **_QueenOfLiars:_ ** _don't know._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _goodbye japanese weebs._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _kokichi, we're the weebs._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _fuck_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _TROLLOLOLOLOLOLOL_

* * *

 

 **_AikidoLesbian:_ ** _KOKICHI ARE YOU BACK YET?_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _yeah we just got back here. Why?_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _hi._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _oh._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _fuck._

 **_HolyAsFuck:_ ** _WE PRAYED TO NO AVAIL_

 **_FalseDetective:_ ** _A TRAITOR WAS AMONG THE RANKS, A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING GOBBLED US UP_

 **_PerfectPianist:_ ** _HE BACKSTABBED US AT OUR VULNERABILITY. AFTER YOU GUYS LEFT HE BETRAYED US ALL_

 **_unluckymystery:_ ** _toujou don't stab us_

 **_DaycareAssassin:_ ** _im done with this shit, kaede come with me. We shall survive._

 

**_Maki Harukawa was left the chat._ **

 

**_Kaede Akamatsu has left the chat._ **

 

 **_Kiibo:_ ** _I DID NOT DETECT THIS PROBABILITYYYYYYYYYY_

_**Kiibo:** kiibo.exe has stopped working._

**_FriendlyBuffGuy:_ ** _I apologize greatly! A true gentleman wouldn't of let this happen!_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _I'm more lost than Kiibo was at the start._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _What happened?_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _hoshi has been taking screenshots of the group chat this entire time and sent them to me._

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _WHYYYYYYYYYY!?_

 **_hoshi:_ ** _You called me cryptid every time I talk. Every moment I pop up. It's sick Ouma, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of all of you freaks._

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _and now I'm going to kill you. Bye everyone._

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _No Toujou-san! Wait!_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _Huh?_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _Kirumi-chan, I- I-_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _wait let me find a good emoji_

 **_unluckymystery:_ ** _fuckin get the weeb stuff done now._

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _fine -_- Kirumi, I return your feelings >///<_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _wait seriously_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _I just always assumed you were straight. Or into someone else. And also my other best friend was hot, so my priorities weren't straight_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _no one in this chat is hetero_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _Kirumi-chan, do you accept my heartfelt confession? Will you be my girlfriend?_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _yes._

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _YAY_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _my honor is restored, I need to clean something now._

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _You can clean my room ;) I can get you a nice piping hot bowl of ramen_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _that stuff is gross_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _FUCKIN EAT MY RAMEN. IT'S ME SHOWING YOU LOVE_

 **_hoshi:_ ** _ugh please don't be the next saihara and ouma_

 **_KingOfLiars:_ ** _hey!_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _My work here is done._

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _goodbye Enoshima-san. We will miss you._

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _CARRY ON MY LEGACY!_

 

**_Junko Enoshima has left the chat._ **

 

 **_HolyAsFuck:_ ** _tsumugi in all seriousness, your friend is fucking satanic_

 **_CosplayChild:_ ** _shush I'm getting laid tonight_

 **_PleaseKillMe:_ ** _wait what_

* * *

 

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _dear life. I had to interact with people other than Makoto and Mikan today._

 **_DespairingSolidier:_ ** _ahh good times._

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _GOODBYE SOCIAL LIFE_

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _life doesn't deserve this_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _;-; Why am I always in the wrong??? I have real abandonment issues now_

 **_HelloNurse:_ ** _do you need a hug?_

 **_DespairBitch:_ ** _yes_

 **_LuckyHope:_ ** _DASHING THROUGH THE HALLS WITH HUG TRAIN! WOOO WOOO_

 **_DespairingSolidier:_ ** _why do I talk to you all?_


End file.
